Aphantasia and I
I have Aphantasia. You probably haven't heard of it but I'm trying to spread the word. I doubt this will be the only mention of this on my blog but it is the first, obviously.
So Aphantasia is the suggested name for a condition where an individual has no mind's eye. Basically when you see those sheep your counting at night, that's something I can't do. When you visualise a sunny beach, that's something I can't do. When you see your loved ones faces in your head, yep you guessed it, I can't do that.
I first discovered I had this in quite an unusual way. I was sat on the sofa with my then fiance (no we didn't split up, he's now my husband) and he told me he had just read a really interesting article. We like to share geeky science knowledge. The conversation went roughly as follow.
Tom: So apparently there are people who can't see images in their heads!
Me: People can see things in their heads!! Like actual pictures.
Tom: Yeeeah. You don't see pictures in your head?
Me: Like actual real pictures?
Tom: Yes
Me: No. I thought that was just a figure of speech.
Tom: ...
Me: It's not?
Tom: No. Here read this article.
My mind was blown and I think his was too. In a few seconds my perception of how my mind worked and how others worked was blown apart. I started asking everyone I knew about how they saw images in their heads and it's actually a really difficult conversation to have. How do you describe something like that? How do you describe how you think? It turns out that you cock it up and confuse a lot of people. You also get a little bit sad.
Here's the thing, other people can see my children in their head's, but I can't. Loved ones that I loose I can only see again if I have pictures. Favourite places or experiences I can never see again unless their captured on a camera. That's sad. So I try not to think on it too much and on that note I'll move on.
I think that many experiences and character traits can possibly be explained by this discovery. For example I get really homesick. At University I had to come home as often as possible to avoid feeling really low. But I couldn't see home in my head or the people I'd left behind, so of course I missed them so much more. I suffer anxiety surrounding my children and their safety. But I can't see them as grown ups in my head, so of course they're going to be kidnapped/choke/abducted by aliens (joke). My memory is terrible, people I know can describe their childhood home in detail, down to the crappy wallpaper pattern. I can just about manage the layout but more than that I just don't remember because I can't see it. There are so many others that I could go on forever but I won't.
For me I think it's more of a feeling or muscle memory. I know the layout of the house because I walked it so many times. I think in facts and emotions (I am a very emotional person, I cried at Finding Nemo). I'm not sure that makes much sense but I'm working on my description of it. I am happy to answer any questions so if you've got one, pop it in the comments. Maybe this has got you curious about your brain. Turns out its a spectrum and you can find out where you are on it here: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-34039054. Have a go and lets compare notes on our broken brains.
Take care
So Aphantasia is the suggested name for a condition where an individual has no mind's eye. Basically when you see those sheep your counting at night, that's something I can't do. When you visualise a sunny beach, that's something I can't do. When you see your loved ones faces in your head, yep you guessed it, I can't do that.
I first discovered I had this in quite an unusual way. I was sat on the sofa with my then fiance (no we didn't split up, he's now my husband) and he told me he had just read a really interesting article. We like to share geeky science knowledge. The conversation went roughly as follow.
Tom: So apparently there are people who can't see images in their heads!
Me: People can see things in their heads!! Like actual pictures.
Tom: Yeeeah. You don't see pictures in your head?
Me: Like actual real pictures?
Tom: Yes
Me: No. I thought that was just a figure of speech.
Tom: ...
Me: It's not?
Tom: No. Here read this article.
My mind was blown and I think his was too. In a few seconds my perception of how my mind worked and how others worked was blown apart. I started asking everyone I knew about how they saw images in their heads and it's actually a really difficult conversation to have. How do you describe something like that? How do you describe how you think? It turns out that you cock it up and confuse a lot of people. You also get a little bit sad.
Here's the thing, other people can see my children in their head's, but I can't. Loved ones that I loose I can only see again if I have pictures. Favourite places or experiences I can never see again unless their captured on a camera. That's sad. So I try not to think on it too much and on that note I'll move on.
I think that many experiences and character traits can possibly be explained by this discovery. For example I get really homesick. At University I had to come home as often as possible to avoid feeling really low. But I couldn't see home in my head or the people I'd left behind, so of course I missed them so much more. I suffer anxiety surrounding my children and their safety. But I can't see them as grown ups in my head, so of course they're going to be kidnapped/choke/abducted by aliens (joke). My memory is terrible, people I know can describe their childhood home in detail, down to the crappy wallpaper pattern. I can just about manage the layout but more than that I just don't remember because I can't see it. There are so many others that I could go on forever but I won't.
For me I think it's more of a feeling or muscle memory. I know the layout of the house because I walked it so many times. I think in facts and emotions (I am a very emotional person, I cried at Finding Nemo). I'm not sure that makes much sense but I'm working on my description of it. I am happy to answer any questions so if you've got one, pop it in the comments. Maybe this has got you curious about your brain. Turns out its a spectrum and you can find out where you are on it here: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-34039054. Have a go and lets compare notes on our broken brains.
Take care
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